“Is he staring at me? Why is he staring at me? I guess because he likes me. But WAIT – he has a girlfriend.” A year later my crush broke up with his girlfriend. He was still staring at me intensely every time our paths crossed. I initially saw this as a sign that maybe he was the “man that had found a good thing” – Proverbs 18:22.
By this time I was feeling lonely, anxious, and tired of WAITING. We had not held a full conversation, but I wanted to get to know him better. I figured I would “friend request” him on Facebook because there was no harm in that; so I thought. But for eight months, a whirlwind of an internet “affair” spun out of control because I did not let God take control.
A story in the Bible…
I am sure many of you know the story of Abraham and Sarah in the book of Genesis. They were a married couple at the senior citizen mark. Despite their age, God promised them a son named Isaac, whom God established an everlasting covenant with and the generations to follow. Abraham thought it was hilarious and doubted that God would bless them with a son at their age (Genesis 17:17). But God said Sarah would birth a son at a set time in the next year. Is there anything too hard for the Lord? – Genesis 18:4.
Prior to the promise coming into fruition, Sarah was sensing the ticking of her biological clock (yes, even at her age) and perhaps felt that God had forgotten about her. So she enlisted her handmaid Hagar to help birth a child for her and Abraham – Genesis 16:1-4.
The saga continues with me…
I did not think he would accept my friend request, let alone send me a Facebook message 3 days later. I was ECSTATIC! He was so handsome, Godly, and a nice guy. It had been awhile since a guy I liked actually liked me back and wanted to get to know me. However, at the moment when we began to “chat,” I felt a sense of guilt and a little shame come over me. I suppose this is how Sarah felt after she encouraged Abraham to sleep with Hagar – Genesis 16:3-16. Sarah would eventually take her wrongful actions out on Hagar in regret.
I had become impulsive just like Sarah. Instead, I used social media to try to “birth” my promise of meeting my future husband. Like Sarah, I thought I could help God out by taking initiative. Mind you, I received many words of wisdom from others over the years to encourage me to allow God to orchestrate my marriage in his own time and way. But I still got ANXIOUS and FED UP!!!
The Lord showed his everlasting mercy on Sarah, Hagar, and me – Psalm 136.
Each month would go by and he still had not asked me out. However, he would check up on me. Perhaps he kept doing this to see if I was still interested. Just when I thought I had moved on, he popped back up in my inbox. There was no doubt he liked me. He made that clear, but just had not acted on it. He would hint around at asking me out on a date but never actually followed through. I would make excuses for him because he was getting over a breakup and was preoccupied with his college studies. I kept hope alive.
I would pray for clarity as to whether he was the “one” or not. God would speak to both him and me, directing us to move on, but we would not listen. So the online rendezvous just kept going on and on until one day enough was enough. I had not heard from him in about 2 months and out of nowhere he pops back in my inbox during a Sunday church service of all times (he actually did that a lot).
Relationship Tip: If a guy you are getting to know is striking up a conversation with you via text or social media even though he realizes that you are in church, consider that a “red flag.” Just know it is one of the many “red flags” I chose to ignore and I hope you will not do the same by ignoring them. A mature man of God will not hinder your worship of God but encourage your worship of God.
And the text message says…
So in the message he tells me that he had been busy with a lot of things and that I should “Holla at a brother sometime.” Really!?! That is the best message you could come up with after not communicating with me for a few months. Now I was fed up – I was tired of the mixed signals. I told him I only wanted a meaningful relationship at this point in my life and if he was not interested, then we no longer needed to talk. His response was “not a problem, deuces (peace sign emoji).” Wow! How could a grown man between the age of 30 to 40 act so immature instead of “manning up” by responding in a more respectful way – 1 Corinthians 13:11?
The bottom line is that God was telling me all along that this guy was not the mate he had for me. But like Sarah, I manipulated the process to get what I desired. I put myself in control of the matter and not God. God had mercy on me by not allowing us to form a relationship. If we did date, who knows what ugly thing would have happened.
In the end, I do not have any animosity towards him. I love him like a brother in Christ. During and after this situation, I learned so much about myself and what I needed the Lord to deliver me from. I truly needed the Lord’s help to not be impulsive. There is a right time to act which is always God’s time.
What single women can learn from my cautionary tale and about the potential “one”:
Deception – He may have all of the characteristics of a Godly man, but the enemy is deceiving and he knows who or what to use to trap you. Make sure he is truly living for God in and outside the church building.
Discernment – Be prayerful while you are dating or even starting to talk to a guy so that you are clear about his intentions and whether he is the “one.”
Distraction – If he has a lot of control over your mind and emotions, it is a distraction. The man that God has for you should not cause a distraction in your walk with Jesus.
Distrust – If you do not FIRST trust God as all-powerful and then yourself as one who discerns, you will not receive a trustworthy man. Trusting God + Trusting Yourself = An Honest Man.
To all of my “Sarah’s”:
If you are WEAK, God will make you STRONG – 2 Corinthians 12:9.
If you are ANXIOUS, God will bring PEACE – John 14:27.
If you are LONELY, God will lovingly keep you in the palm of his hands – Isaiah 49:16.
If you are tired, WAIT I SAY, WAIT ON THE LORD – Psalm 27:14 ( It will be worth our wait).
Sherri holds a Bachelor of Science Degree in Business Administration and has worked as a freelance copywriter producing copy for marketing communication materials such as: print, websites, brochures, newsletters, and social media networks. She has been instrumental in helping small businesses, non-profit organizations, churches and a local theater company. She was also sought out by the director of the Miss Black USA NJ 2006 Pageant to become Editor-in-Chief of the scholarship pageant program booklet in which 3,500 were distributed within the Delaware Valley. She enjoys serving in outreach and evangelism at her church and can be found on Twitter @ https://twitter.com/writeb4youspeak
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